New Year and a Chapped Lip
So for the past week or so I have had this chapped bottom lip. The kind thats penetrated past the first layer of the lip right down to the nerves. I’ve used several different chap-sticks and they only solve the pain and the dry little sucker for some time. Though I haven’t necessarily gone out to a Walgreen’s to find what might really help them. And I bite it, you know when you have a bruise or a pimple that just hurts like the dickens? But yet you push on the bruise and you poke at the pimple knowing that you’ll hit it just right to feel the full potential of pain that it carries. Thats what I did with my lip, just bit it all the time, and scolding myself quietly every time I’d found that streak of pain.
No I’m not gonna write a whole blog about my chapped lip, though suggestions from my imaginary readers might help, God maybe. Yes God, he did point out something, that my lip was something of a metaphor to my life these past three months. For I have been quite the un-christian as you could see from my last blog. The events from that point on are many and much like my chapped lip. This sore on something that’s sensitive to begin with, that is covered up here and there, you bite at it irritating it and making it worse, and never going to the greatest extent to change your condition when its as easy as a drive away or a prayer in this case.
Last night I brought in the new year with some of the people that I love most, and by people who have stood by me as best they could considering I’d taken my life in my own hands. At about 10 minutes to 2010 we turned on the TV to time square. The excitement was exhilarating all around me and from what I could see, the world was covered in it as well. I noticed it for about a minute before all became quiet and I heard God only. As the time neared to the new year I felt my heart tremble with fear above all things. God was in the thick of me, asking me to give up everything that I had clingged too this past year. The count down began and I found myself in a panic, the seconds were slipping out like a water soaked bar soap in the shower, couldn’t seem to pick it back up so I could hold on too it. And finally 2010! Not that the new year matters; I suppose you can choose to give things up to God everyday, and everyday to this point I tried and failed again and again believing that every attempt failed was a step farther and farther from coming back. But God knew my heart in those last moments of 2009, He knows the heaviness it carries, the confusion that plagues it, and the desperate ransom it’s been trying to escape. Above all He knows how ready I am to shed this layer of filth and muck from my life. He comforts me in saying this was just a time and now it’s over, come take my hand and lets continue on. No time to lay in bed, as I so tried this morning refusing to begin this new year, no time to hide in a cave for God’s grand signs such as fire falling from the sky, or a huge storm to say it all. You guessed it, nothing only but a gentle whisper.
And though it’s pushed me as far as my living room, which you must understand is the start of some big accomplishments compared to my agenda for the year, I know I’m gonna have to do things for awhile with fear. I fear writing an eassay worth 20,000 dollars. I fear that I won’t improve as person. I fear that the friendships I have tattered and broken won’t mend. I fear the long road to the college I plan to go to in the fall. I fear the day I say goodbye and do actually leave for somewhere. I fear I’ve missed my chance. I fear giving it to God. Above all, I fear God. Just for kicks i fear i wont wake up enough to put soap in my dishwasher before I start it.
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a tie to die. A time too plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
It’s time to go back to where I belong, take off this costume that portrays me as a wild thing, I know only God alone can give me the strength to make it a thing of the past. Prayer will also be my only guiding light through this unknown if I so choose to use it. Thank You Yaweh, Amen.
